I know what it feels like to tolerate or even desire something that’s unhealthy for you. Like a guy who wants to keep you at arms length so you’re at his disposal and accessible when it’s convenient for him, but still far enough so that you can’t hurt him or call him your own. If you’re in limbo with someone who keeps making just enough insinuations to keep you reading between the lines looking for clues and searching for a reason to keep waiting…and waiting…and waiting… to see that the waiting wasn’t worth it, I’m here to write out the words you’ve buried in the back of your head. I’m no better than you. You are no more naive than me. I’ve been where you are, so I’m not going to say, “you know better than that” because you’ll just tell me that you know him better than me. And I’m not here to argue with you, I’ve just come to speak the doubts you’re too afraid to say out loud. I haven’t come to offer you cliche opinions or pretty catch phrases. I know too well that recycled advice can’t penetrate your soul or tame the ache in your bones when insecurity and fear leaks out to suffocate the voice of reason clawing at your conscious. I’m just here to turn the volume up so you will hear the truth you already know.
Know that the more you feed a craving, the louder it will demand another bite. Know that it’s your choice to nurture or starve these cravings because they’re carving you into who you’re becoming. People pick each other like flowers, and we spend our lives being pressed into each other’s pages, so choose wisely which stories you tuck into. Don’t climb into the stories of those who pretend they want you to fill up their pages when you know they’ll keep your corners dog-eared for too long before picking you up again. You’ll get second chances and new mercies with every daybreak, but what a drag to keep choosing something that drains the color from your cheeks and drinks the joy from your eyes dry with every sip. What a pity to fill a man with expectations when you see the puddles in his tracks. What a tragedy to let him occupy a role in your one life when you could be pressing your smile into a shoulder that wants to uphold your beautiful soul. I don’t care that he wants your lips if he doesn’t care for your happiness. I don’t care if he wants your body if he doesn’t want the life attached to it. Don’t accept affection that’s braided with manipulation? Don’t yield to hands that mold you into a shape that never fits into his future. Why would you want his laugh when it mocks you for needing what he won’t offer?
If he isn’t offering you the consistency you deserve; if he is not reciprocating the kind of love you want to cultivate; if you’re tired of making excuses for him and tired of ignoring the truth, then peel yourself from the page. This may not be for you, but if it is, I hope you do what’s best for your heart. You’ve only got one, after all.